Updated: Apr 5, 2020
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:16
There are certain verses and passages of scripture I have read or heard multiple times through the years and yet there comes a moment in time where those very familiar words will leap off the page as if I am reading them for the first time. A moment where the Word seems so fresh and so alive it’s almost as if God snuck it in on me without my knowing. Psalm 139:16 is one of those verses. I had heard, read and even heard sermons on Psalm 139 many, many times but it wasn’t until a month or so after our son Nathan died that it took on a whole new meaning for me, especially verse 16!
Being so early in the journey of my grief, I was still in shock and completely reeling in the aftermath of Nathan’s death, desperately struggling to wrap my head around my new reality. How could my son be dead and what kind of God would allow such a thing to happen?! What happened to the promise of the all too familiar verse of Jeremiah 29:11? (“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”) How in the world does that promise ring true when my son dies at the very young age of 6?!
And that’s when I found it. That’s when Psalm 139:16 leapt off the pages of God’s Word! The truth of that verse was so fresh and so new and so relevant to where my mother’s heart was in those days following the unthinkable. That verse…that truth…opened a brand new thought in the midst of my new reality—God was absolutely still sovereign and in control—even in the death of my son. God knew, even before Nathan was born, the days ordained for him. God knew Nathan would die at the age of 6 and, even though in this mother’s eyes, Nathan’s days were way too short, God still fulfilled His promise in Jeremiah 29:11. Nathan’s life absolutely has purpose, a purpose that continues to live on today.
Thank You, God. Thank You for Nathan. Thank You, for how he was uniquely knit together in my womb and completely and totally created to live out his purpose here on earth. Thank You for the lessons I learned as I watched him live each day to the fullest no matter how difficult his circumstances were. And yes, thank You for the lessons I’ve learned since his death. Thank You most of all for all I have come to know of You in and through the precious gift of Nathan, a gift that truly keeps on giving!!! How I praise You, God, for my son Nathan who is fearfully and wonderfully made!!!